So the last post was for indicative of the sense of humor our community has, and this one is a bit different. Two years ago today I was baptized into the Christian faith and the Universal Church, and this reflection came from a “Busy Person’s Retreat” we did last week with a North American nun who has been living in Andahuaylillas for the last few months.
The stones are dark but warm from the sun’s radiation. I don’t know how long I’ve been here, but it’s comfortable… I could sit here for a while. Across the way I can see grass growing, cows feeding, even people wandering the winding roads. It is creation in all its beauty.
And so I sit. Unaware of where these stone steps lead; unaware of anything except creation before me.
I turn around and examine the building to which the stone stairs lead. It is not so big as to be confused with a church or anything like that but definitely bigger than a house or a store. It was painted white at one point, but over time upkeep has fallen away…or maybe the owners don’t mind how nature has worn at its color. The door has been left open. Whether on accident or not, there is no sign.
I take a step further. Next to the door I can see around the jamb. Things appear dark and vacant yet strangely inviting. I take a step closer with curiosity but not before glancing back over my shoulder. For what, I’m unsure. Maybe to assure myself that no one is watching or to confirm that creation is still there…no one pays me notice and creation continues its movement.
I decide to sit in the doorway, uncertain as to what I do next. There are only a few options. I can return to where I was without going in, I can wait for someone to come and invite me in, or I can go in of my own accord. And so I wait…
But it is not idle waiting. It is anticipatory; I begin to expect something. I’m watching the world turn, and still my anticipation grows. The excitement builds. I don’t understand. I process the world and look for ways to comprehend, and without ever being sure of what I am waiting for, my excitement continues to augment.
A while later I turn back to the doorway. No one has passed by. There is no one to invite me in, and yet I feel as though I was already invited. It is almost as if I have always been invited. Odd. What if there is some really important function that I would be interrupting? Plus, I’m content watching creation…content.
Again I turn back to the doorway. Nothing has changed. It is the same doorway, and I still can’t see very far into the building. Do I go in? I keep thinking about my decision. I keep thinking.
And then I realize that it is not my head that will get me though this doorway. It is my heart. I must feel the invitation rather than acknowledge it.
And so I take a step inside. It is a familiar room, but I cannot say from where. Perhaps I have already been here before. I see people I recognize: friends, family, loved ones. I am comfortable here but not quite at peace, not yet anyways. I glance back through the door, and Creation continues as it has since the beginning.